Frankie J

FLAPD32 – KID VIBE – THE MAU5 THAT JACK KILLED

FLAPD32

 

Flapjack Records is locked and loaded with:

FLAPD32:

Kid Vibe

“The Mau5 That Jack Killed”

A.   Notorious Child

B.  Notorious Child (Ghetto Bump Mix)

C.   Bring The Bump

D.  Mo Mo Wet

 

Flapjack Records has a problem.  When you have a problem like this in your kitchen, you need to call the right guy for the job.  So returning to the roster, not to create, but to kill, is our crushing companion from Vancouver, Kid Vibe.  He shows up just as the Board of Health has left the building closed until further notice due to a growing rodent problem.  Considering the circumstances, it is in our best hopes that “The Mau5 That Jack Killed” will devastate the current population and render the quarantined area a place where delicious booty shakin’ breakfast beats can be concocted once again.

The first step in this kind of situation is to cover the entire perimeter with some “Notorious Child”.  I heard the military used to use this to melt and clear dense jungle during warfare, but due to overwhelmingly horrible side effects in humans, it is now used strictly for rodent removal and in the manufacturing of the street drugs known as bath salts oddly enough.  One spray of this and you will be jackin’ like a zombie naked in Florida.

The next step is to sprinkle some “Notorious Child (Ghetto Bump Mix)” about the place.  If the first step doesn’t take them pesky fur burgers out, then a coating of this will get explosive all up in their junk.  In the past this substance was originally used as a table salt substitute until people started rising from the dead and eating peoples fucking faces off.  This is some serious salami here, and should hopefully take care of those little shits.

“Bring The Bump” should only be used as a last ditch effort.  According to the box, this actually has the same ingredients as most over the counter cough medicine.  I heard that it was originally and accidentally discovered in a motel room a guy cooking meth and a hooker.  It turns out the hooker farted which scared the cook into spilling a little red bull into his beaker causing a chemical reaction so intense that both of their clothes were immediately burned off and they started eating each others’ faces.

So when everything is said and done, and the problems seems to be solved, as a future precautionary measure it is good to leave behind some “Mo Mo Wet” to eliminate any stragglers.  This tune is like a super catchy glue trap, but if you sniff it or eat it, you will most likely have the urge to rip all your clothes off and eat peoples’ faces off.  So just a word to the wise….if you want to clean up on the dance floor, “The Mau5 That Jack Killed” is the product for you.  Just be sure to follow the directions on the box or you will end up starting an unintentional zombie apocalypse.

Flap 019 – These Boots Were Made For Jackin – Francis Jilla

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Flapjack Records strapped n ready for:

 

FLAP019:
Francis Jilla – “These Boots Are Made For Jackin’ EP”

 

A1. Walking On A Beam
A2. Bumped Up Kicks

B1. Dreams

On this next vinyl edition from Flapjack Records, we take a minute to recognize a time in U.S. history when alcohol was made illegal.  This time was called prohibition and was a very sad time for casual drinkers, but an amazingly profitable time for bootleggers and underground party goers.  This theme fits right in with this straight out of the toilet distilled dance record from house music recluse Francis Jilla.  “These Boots Are Made For Jackin’ EP” is the brand that underground house goers trust most to get fired up, while other moonshiners bring in the least.

 

Be careful when handling “Walking On A Beam”.  This joint is almost pure grain alcohol and is so hot that if you even think about lighting a match near it, it will most likely give you permanent orange afro.  This is the firewater that many a native chief will resort to when the winds of change have dealt a nasty crop dusting.  This tune has been famed from the movie “Hall Pass” which doesn’t quite give it the justice it deserves quite like a gigantic tub, toilet, or function 1 sound system will for distilling purposes.

 

Now if you are thinking bottom of the barrel mash but with a little class, then grab a flask full of “Bumped Up Kicks”.  This will have you whistling Dixie in your underwear faster than you can say skibbidybibbidy.  Don’t let yourself get too involved with this and the local booze hounds though, or you’ll be howling up the wrong tree eating a face full of knuckles.  Tis a good sing a long though, and will remind you of better times after you realize you just pissed in the same toilet you distill moonshine in.

 

“Dreams” is of classic taste and texture.  It’s not quite top shelf moonshine, but a touch above jailhouse toilet tonic if you ask me.  This is definitely something you can share with you lady friends and not be ashamed that you haven’t bathed in a few days.  Let the music roll off your tongue and cover up any bad breath you may be hoarding and you may just get a kiss, or a slap on the jaw.  What did you expect?  You are drinking liquor made in the shitter.

So never mind all that jibber jabber, because what’s really important is how you wear it.  Francis Jilla – “The Boots Are Made For Jackin’ EP” is pure bootleg grade smoothness.  It will smooth over any crowd, and set fire to just about any room, or any object for that matter with its uberpotency. Don’t underestimate the raw power of bootleg booze.  As they say, this shit will put hair on your chest and rip it off all in one smooth motion.  You have been warned, now go ahead and give it a swig, I dare ya.

 

 

This 12″ vinyl release is now available at the following locations:

 

Downtown 304 | Juno | Gramaphone

 

FLAPD030 – Put Bacon On it – Forest Avery & Derty D

FLAPD30

Flapjack Records is salted and cured with:

FLAPD30:

Forrest Avery & Derty D

“Put Bacon On It”

 

  1.    A.   Forrest Avery & Derty D – I Love House Music
  2.    B.  Forrest Avery & Derty D – The Perfect Beat
  3.    C.   Forrest Avery & Derty D – I’m A Dream
  4.    D.  Forrest Avery – Driftin’ On By

 Flapjack Records has definitely been eating in a bacon wonderland.  With this digital release turning 30, the old arteries just don’t know how much more of this thick ass house music they can take.  Just when things are getting nice n warmed up jackin to some tasty cured jams, your heart just starts flopping and jumping like a fat kid climbing a fence.  So with one hand on the speed dial ready for an ambulance, Forrest Avery & Derty D roll on up and sprinkle some of their new EP, “Put Bacon On It”, all over and cure what ails ya.

“I Love House Music” pretty much squeaks for itself.  This thinly sliced piece of salty goodness just slides right down your gullet with a greasy easiness akin to something as easy as breathing, or farting.  This cut is a finely cured production that releases unbelievable taste on the dance floor and compliments anything a DJ can dish out.

Returning for seconds is Forrest Avery & Derty D’s famed cut “The Perfect Beat”.  When you have something as good as this in abundance it’s just plain rude not to share.  So make sure to grab seconds, thirds, and even sixths of this crispy vocal bomb.  Every single bite of this cut just makes your sets phatter, but makes the crowd sweaty and out of breath instead of you.

“I’m A Dream” is bacon heaven.  If there is a gate to get into heaven, then it will sure be made of bacon, and as you walk through it, not only will all your ailments disappear, but they will most likely be playing this tune.  If they aren’t, then you are probably at the wrong gate and should turn around and head back before you end up in one of those eternal anguish and suffering type situations.  It could be worse, you could drop your last cut of bacon behind the stove.

Lastly, Forrest Avery finishes off the EP with a special treat called “Driftin’ On By”.  This is a sure fire vocal blast that can be freeze dried, stored for a millennia, even shot up into space, and still taste absolutely amazing.  Time tested and colon approved, if you can’t get down on this, then you need to get yourself a colonoscopy.  So don’t worry so much about what your doctor says, cuz they all say the same thing.  Just “Put Bacon On It” as Forrest Avery & Derty D do, and everything will be just fine.

This release is now available digitally at the following locations:

Traxsource | Stompy | Juno | Beatport |Jack Shack

FLAPD029- The Roadside Diner Collection

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Flapjack Records gets more than its fill of:

FLAPD29:

Flapjack Records Presents

“The Roadside Diner Collection” 

  1.     A.   Michael R Jr. – You Can’t Hide
  2.     B.  Richard Loughlin – This Party
  3.     C.   JD Mals – Little Pixy
  4.     D.  Zurlock – Iazzz

 Flapjack Records has definitely been around the block and back when it comes to upsetting stomachs and dance floors for that matter.  This next addition to the Flapjack digital catalog is a super phat grease stain of a compilation.  This EP is the kind of musical stain that will never come out and is a tribute to all the greasy spoon diner meals that many DJ’s have had to endure whilst on the road.  Flapjack is proud to present “The Roadside Diner Collection”.  Ironically, none of the artists on this EP are from the U.S., so I don’t think they even know of the tummy rumbling wonders of this American roadside tradition.

You Can’t Hide from this track.  This is a play on the many time over sampled traditional eggs n bacon on toast with black coffee special that is a timeless classic at all roadside diners.  The great thing is this was cooked up by a rookie 17 year old short order cook from Poland named Michael R Jr. Trained in the musical fruits on the 1’s n 2’s by his father, he sets his sights on the underground with a gut wrenching vengeance.

Richard Loughlin of Manchester, UK has been bussing tables at this grease spot for over 15 years now.  It’s about time he crunched out “This Party”between cleaning the urine puke stained booth in Bessie’s section, and the four fat ass truckers 3 foot high dish pile from this morning.  The tune really slams the dishes good making everyone in the place lift their heads from their coffee and morning paper.

Over here we have our new waiter JD Mals working a double shift.  He has been pushing the fish and his joint “Little Pixy” as it is about to turn.  This is an updated swing number that pushes the envelope of drinking the milk well past the expiration date on the carton.  It’s as solid as the skillet pan in the kitchen and just as hot too.

On your way out, don’t forget to tip and then chat up the host Zurlock for some complimentary Andes candies.  His English is a little hard to understand being that he is fresh off the boat from Genova, but he knows how to seat people according to the rotation.  Also have  a grab at his funked up jazz jam“Iazzz” sitting on the newsstand.  It is sure to be a captivating read, and be sure to check the local want ads in the back.  You will definitely find a way to get rid of that old toaster oven and get you a couple bucks.   Thanks for stopping by and I hope y’all enjoyed you some of “The Roadside Diner Collection”.

This release is available digitally now exclusively at the following locations:

Stompy | Traxsource | Beatport | Juno |Jack Shack

Flap 018 – That Peruvian Boy – I Came to Jam EP

FLAP018Front

FLAP018BACK

Flapjack Records has been well preserved for:

FLAP018:
That Peruvian Boy – “I Came To Jam EP”

A1. Don’t You Know
A2. Love We Feel

B1. The Jive
B2. Gangsta Slam

The bowels of Flapjack Records are very excited and relieved to push That Peruvian Boy out onto some vinyl.  What a relief!  This new EP is so phat that we thought it might have required a trip to the hospital.  There is no enema strong enough to work this hot piece out.  This would require some dance floor surgery.  “I Cam To Jam EP” is like the signature dish of Peru and works like magic on the dance floor as well as your taste buds.  Here are the simple ingredients that make such an explosive experience:

 

The main squeeze is a carefully stir fired and flambed “Don’t You Know”.  This is the filet mignon of EP that is succulent, fat, and juicy in all respects.  The beats are hoppin, the bass is deep, and the hook is something you want to sink your teeth into over and over again.  The tune is so pleasing to the ear buds that it will make even the sternest of vegans want to bite.

 

Next thing you need to do is toss in some “Love We Feel” for some intense flavor.  Sautee these in the mix for that added muster of groove.  This is the ingredient that makes the leap from a good mix to a great dish.  Don’t be sparing with this tune either.  Plenty of this will add flavor like a calculator in math class.

 

“The Jive” is like that miracle vegetable that makes the base for everything. It’s the tune you will want in every mix for the next year.  Once you are familiar with this ingredient, without it, your mix, your dish, and your life in general won’t feel as complete.  It’s the difference between whether you brush your teeth before bed.  You either wake up fresh or you don’t.  Your mix will end up the same way, so just be smart and practice good hygiene.

 

The last ingredient is the sugar and spice of the dish.  “Gangsta Slam” really turns out this EP and makes this signature dish amazing.  This tune is no garnish.  Even though it is the last tune on the EP, it will most likely end up as the first tune in many mixes.  The vocal hook and break down push this track to the brink or your taste buds.  It’s got that flavor that is just as amazing as the first time you taste, every single time.  It’s the added spice that completes That Peruvian Boy‘s masterpiece and first vinyl release “I Came To Jam EP”.

Flapjack Digital 028 – We Don’t Sleep EP – Uriah West & Rescue

FLAPD028-RescueUriahWest_WeDontSleepEP

Flapjack Records has brewed and skewed:
FLAPD28:
Rescue & Uriah West
“We Don’t Sleep EP”

  1.        Up All Night
  2.       Gotta Do Right
  3.       Turn Me On

Flapjack Records welcomes back our old friend Uriah West to the organization, but this time he brought his comrade Rescue along with him. These two Denver, CO short order entrepreneurs have been rocking all night shifts for decades now in the roadside diner of danceable delights.  All the way up here in Chicago, Rescue & Uriah West team up to serve you their “We Don’t Sleep EP” with two creams and a lot of sugar.

Sometimes you feel like a trucker, sometimes you don’t.  When I do, I love to drive up to a dirty old roadside diner and order up a greasy delicious belly buster of a meal.  “Up All Night” is a fine name for such an establishment that you can count on to serve up not only flapjacks, but all manner of greasy delights that let the beats move right through you like a musical laxative.  This is the kind of joint you will find dudes like Rescue & Uriah West working.

Now you “Gotta Do Right” by loosening your belt a notch or just wearing pants with an elastic waistband to these establishments.  The beats are cheap, but come piled thick…and don’t you go worryin ’bout service neither. If Rescue ain’t around he’s probably in the shitter, but Uriah West will be by your tables in a jiff to make sure you have plenty of funk piled high on your groove plate.

If you are really feeling it, then the only thing that is going to be screaming“Turn Me On” is the faucet in the bathroom, cuz you best wash all that mess off your face.  Rescue & Uriah West wouldn’t want you going back out into public looking like your face got painted like an infant in a high chair. These boys will take care of you real good,  make sure you is well fed, and at least one strap is up on your overalls.  You can stop on by the greasy spoon anytime and see em as the “We Don’t Sleep EP” is kind of built out of their motto.  Who else is willing to serve steak ‘n’ eggs, flapjacks, burgers, and beats at any hour day or night?

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FLAP 017 – Cow Tippin’ EP – Jackin’ Box

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Flapjack Records is greased and ready for:

FLAP017:
Jackin’ Box – “Cow Tippin EP”

A1. Back Up Your Groove Thing
A2. I Like It

B1. How Good
B2. Jack Yo Ass Up

Returning to Flapjack Records vinyl department after a 10 release difference are those lovely UK chaps Jackin’ Box.  To celebrate their return, they present us with the time honored traditional fun filled experience of the “Cow Tippin EP”.  I used to think this may have only been an American past time, but apparently this is an international phenomena.  Not only do we love to eat cows, but we like to fuck with them for fun, by pushing them over while helplessly asleep standing up in a field.  What a total dick move, but is as equal in fun as it is in douche baggery.  So Flapjack commends these boys and the fine jams that have inspired such mindless fun.

If you are big fan of a huge pile grade A angus beef chops, then “Back Up Your Groove Thing” is the fatty patty for you.  This is an all out jam thick with greasy funk.  The slap bass and vocal groove are so good that it raises your cholesterol just hearing the hook.  Watch your phat calorie intake when the synth lead busts.  That shit will not only make paper plates completely transparent, but clean your bass bowels like a colonoscopy on the dance floor.

“I Like It” is exactly what you are going to be saying about this wagyu beef slab.  Thick and juicy all up in the speakers, and it sounds so good it makes your mouth water.  It must be all that massaging these steers get before the dancehall slaughter.  The cut renders like a massage for soul belly.  You will like the taste, but absolutely love the mesmerizing sound.

Being in the land of fat America, I can’t help but think “How Good” burgers are. They are just so damn meaty and tasty delicious just like this next cut.  This is by far one of the best dance floor searing sizzlers Jackin’ Box has cooked up in a while.  This cut just smokes the platter every time.  “How Good” is so damn good that you gain weight just by listening to it.

The last pound of ground chuck funk is a swing blaster called “Jack Yo Ass Up”. Keeping with the times, this joint incorporates fresh flavor with time honored swing house traditions creating an overwhelming sensation of “get yo ass up n dance”.  Don’t worry about the fat and oil content because all you need to know is that it will come out just as wonderfully as it came in.  It’s the circle of trust. You can definitely trust Jackin’ Box to really bring it on this new “Cow Tippin EP”.  The bring it, tip it over, and then run like fat chicks after new years from the cops!

 


Flapjack Digital 026 – John Pridgen – Unidentified Suspects EP

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The Unidentified Suspect EP came to fruition when one of the many cooks in the Flapjack kitchen dropped a heavy steamer in the bathroom, left the seat up, and didn’t flush. There is some Unidentified Suspect that is the culprit here and John Pridgen, one half of Austin, TX’s famed Sun City Hustlers, is here to tell the story with his new EP.

There is quite a pungent odor to this first cut called Funk Train. I believe this may be a clue to what the culprit was eating. It has a really well rounded funk soul aroma. The bass line and groove alone are enough to shake the bowels of any un-alarming jack junky. This is a good start bringing us closer to closing the case of the fleeing floater maker.

Steady Makin Hits thunders from down under a punch in the guts with its relentless bass line. The tasty key change in the middle of the groove rocks into a solo that roles through the digestive system like sweet corn on a hot summer day. Looking at the mess left behind this erupter of a tune, it seems that our culprit was eating corn. This tune sits right on top of a mix like the corn sitting on top of this funk making the eye of a poo pyramid. Hmmm this case is now getting really interesting.

I think we are getting really close to closing the case here, and our last piece of evidence is hip hop rocker “Stunner”. When walking into the Flapjack commode earlier today I was hit with a “Stunner” right in the nose hole. It was like a murder scene up in the can, just like this tune which absolutely murders dance floors with its slick hip hop vocal and stank ass hip hop breakdown which always gets the booties juicy.

Honestly, when I first heard of the heinous act that occurred up in the jackhole, I was pretty upset. Then John Pridgen showed up with the “Unidentified Suspect EP” and had a solid beat driven system to cracking this case. As it turns out, the guilty party was John Pridgen himself. Apparently he wasn’t prepared to deal with the intense grooves he was about to lay down and it upset his stomach whose contents were unloaded in the Flap-jackhole. Case closed, but who is going to clean up the shitty mess?

Available at Traxxsource

Flapjack 016 – The Sound Diggers – Don’t Flap, Just Jack EP

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Flapjack Records is fat and sweaty after:

FLAP016
The Sound Diggers

“Don’t Flap Just Jack”

A1. Drop Da Funk
A2. Bump Funk

B1. Bearnejackity
B2. Floor Swinger

Returning to the kitchen after an over extended jaunt in the bathroom, The Sound Diggers grant us with another slap happy handful of flavor with their new piece entitled “Don’t Flap Just Jack” .  Here at Flapjack we do encourage everyone to wash their hands before returning from the bathroom to the decks.  With the nasty low down n dirty grooves that are all over this EP, I am not so sure The Sound Diggers washed up very well, or at all.  As we say in the business, when you get dirt in your salad, eh, it’s just a lil’ flava.

 

If you really like a good crisp salad that isn’t too many calories but tastes ok, then get a side salad from a funeral luncheon, cuz “Drop Da Funk” is so fattening that you can’t even use a salad spinner to dry the leaves that go in it.  The wopping 10,000 calories of baddass is deep funky jazzy jack house ballz.  Just put it in your mouth and mumble in enjoyment.  This has Midlands, UK flavor all over it.

 

“Bump Funk” is the dressing with a blessing.  That signature Sound Diggers bounce is all over this tossed up goodness.  Spread this tune all over your set and watch as flavor just pours from the speakers.  Slap bass hit, vocal stabs, and rhodes ruggedness seeps all over your groove with this tune.  This also goes great on burgers and steaks if you are feeling saucy.

 

On my salad I always like a few pepperoncini peppers.  They always add a bit of crisp bite and heat just like “Bearnejackity”.  It puts the swing in your salad that’s for sure.  It is definitely the bear necessity of every salad in my opinion.  If you don’t think so, that’s cool, it’s your opinion, and go fuck yourself cuz I’m writing this shit and it’s a pain in the ass coming up with new food music relationships.  Anyway, swing house, salad, “Bearnejackity”, it’s a dope track.

 

Let us not forget about the crusty croutons on the top which make every salad worth breaking your jaw over.  “Floor Swinger” adds that toughness crunchiness to every set just like croutons on a salad.  Wicked sax, bouncing beats and bass add the up funk n crunchiness that round out a perfect salad bar banger.  Make sure you load up on all the fixins here on the “Don’t Flap Just Jack” EP cuz once The Sound Diggers salad bar opens, this shit is going to fly right off the serving plates and all over the dance hall.

This 12″ vinyl release is available now at the following locations:
Downtown 304 | Juno | Gramaphone

FLAPJACK Digital 25 – Leonardus – Golden Girl EP

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Flapjack Records
 is golden browned to present:
FLAPD25:
Leonardus
“Golden Girl EP”

A. Between The Sheets
B. Golden Girl
C. The Big Throwdown
D. Calling The Shots

Daytime TV wouldn’t be complete without your favorite cooking show.  Flapjack just so happens to sponsor a fabulous edition of daytime munchfunk with new jack Leondardus. Famed for his heavy whipped productions full of fat and flavor, his new edition the “Golden Girl EP”, leaves you nothing short of satisfied.On the first segment of this cooking lesson, Leonardus shows us how to cook the funk chicken with the slam jamming beat melee of “Between The Sheets“.  Filters, rhodes licks, and heavy bass make a solid foundation for this mouth watering creation set center stage on the counter of jack.  After one listen you will wander in to your own beat kitchen wondering if you can whip something so flavorful together.

The next segment is the namesake of the presentation called “Golden Girl”.  This tune bring you back to the time when silly old women were looked at as heroes of the nightlife and dating scene.  This tune is so spot on with its horn stab groove that even gave Bea Arthur a boner.

Moving on we arrive at “The Big Throwdown”, which grabs every sweet and savory ingredient and throws it together to form a thick wall of sample based sound.  The horns samples are mind altering and make the driest mouths salivate after a go.  Combine this with any household jam and you will find yourself in a tango with tastefulness.

To finish off the show, Leonardus brings us round about to his loopy roots with “Calling The Shots”.  If you like a loop that flows like a neverending slurpy down the gullet of happiness, then this will quench your dance floor thirst.  Play this with extreme heat and you will surely get a fine reaction.  The studio audience happily applauds the “Golden Girl EP” from Leonardus as the credits role on this fine Flapjack release.  Be sure to tune in and grab it next time.

You can grab this release digitally now at the following locations: